How to work with your Feelings and Emotions as a Software Engineer

How to work with your Feelings and Emotions as a Software Engineer


As you navigate through your career as a software engineer You’re going to experience lots of ups and downs And as human beings, you’re going to have emotional reactions to those ups and downs Like when you get feedback on your code or when a user reacts to your work Now it’s true that as software engineers, we mostly deal with writing logical statements that are objective However, as the people who are writing this code, I think that it’s often easy to forget to detangle the work from our core self and that we have complex psyches that have emotional and mental reactions to things that happen in and around us So dealing with emotions at work as a software engineer can be really tricky Depending on who you work with and what company you work at It can be really easy to express your emotions and other times, not at all I used to experience a lot of difficulty expressing my emotions at work But after a couple years of working, I’ve realized a couple of tricks that help me when I’m feeling particularly strongly. One of the things that’s helpful when you’re feeling emotions especially negative ones—is to just sit with your feelings and not take any action for a little while It’s easy to want to do something immediately because you’re worked up but this tends to not work so well for me at least. My emotional side is reacting to a fight or flight or freeze response which our bodies have literally evolved to do over time But in difficult situations, it’s best to try to assess the situation and take action rather than react and take action. So what I do usually is I allow myself to feel those emotions for as long as I need first That can take one minute sitting by myself at my desk. It can take one hour on a long walk around the nearby area And sometimes it can take a day or two of me going about my usual day Once I finish processing those feelings That’s when I feel like I can start to take constructive steps to address those feelings Whether it be giving difficult feedback to a co-worker Or speaking up about a decision I didn’t feel comfortable with Some might argue that it’s best to take action right in the moment Which I’m not necessarily arguing with, but once I learn how to do this step away, then move technique Everything including my own emotions have gotten a lot more manageable And the result of my actions tend to be more positive and constructive There are definitely other ways to deal with emotions at work Maybe you can talk to your manager so that they can help you process those feelings and turn it into a constructive solution Or maybe you have friends at work who can support you. Either way, I think it’s a great skill to figure out how you personally respond to your emotions One thing I would like to emphasize is that emotions at work are not a bad thing at all I’ve learned that it can actually be quite the opposite— that it can be a strength Emotions allow you to empathize with others and that’s such a superpower to have in tech Empathy will help you create stronger bonds with your teammates And it’ll also help you to make better experiences for your users Allowing yourself and others to feel emotions at work, I think, makes tech a better place to work It fosters inclusion, deep methods of communication and brings fulfillment that the work itself cannot. By figuring out a system that works for you and how you face your emotions I think you’ll find a lot of treasures and answers you wouldn’t have discovered All right, that is the end of this entire series and thank you for sticking all the way through I’d really appreciate you liking this video and subscribing to my channel Definitely feel free to share bits and pieces of this series that you found helpful with your friends and co-workers And let me know what you thought about this format This was a challenge for me to build this and I’m grateful for the opportunity to do so So, thank you all so much for watching. I’ll see you next time. Bye!

56 thoughts to “How to work with your Feelings and Emotions as a Software Engineer”

  1. I'm able to share most valuable tips about various aspects of life in my YouTube channel..

    Thanks Mayuko, you inspired me to do this..!

  2. gather all the negative emotion, burst it all out in workout for your body, running and basketball works for me..

  3. Hey mayuko , this is totally unrelated to this video but I recently joined as a software developer in a company in my country. I like programming and enjoy solving problems but I feel overwhelmed by the complexity of code that's written. Also I'm familiar with JavaScript but in my company they use typescript which is completely new to me. Most of the times at work I feel chocked and wanting for help but there is no one to guide me here. How do I deal with this ? I'm obviously learning the language but it will take time for me to do so but company expects me to start working on the project immediately. Why should I do

  4. Hi Mayuko! Sending love from us here in the Philippines. Can you do some live video? Like live Q and A. Have a good one!

  5. Love that Mayuko made a video on this (as I just experience something with feeling frustrated and mad at my team just recently). I think sometimes the human element of software development is overlooked. We do work as a team(small or large depending on methodology used), and work involves a lot of dependencies and collaboration with others. To me, the human and team element is most of the time more difficult to deal with than the technical skill aspect.

  6. 1. You are not your code
    2. Deattaching is necessary
    3. Open up with some people around you, unless you are working for CIA
    Good job Mayuko

  7. Thank you for the great series Mayuko. I really enjoyed the short but regular format and content was excellent.

  8. As a student close to graduating, I find this video incredibly helpful for my self-esteem. Thank you!

  9. How do you create your video topics? Brainstorming? Your videos are very informative, and I love them. I’m thinking of delving into data engineering topics and content because that’s my profession. Tips? Ideas to get started?

  10. Hi, I want to be a software engineer and I don't know what classes I should take in college/university to become one. As a software engineer I was just wondering what classes I should take?

  11. I have been in software engineering industry for the last 21 years. I can tell you a lot about what goes on. 🙂

  12. Hey Mayuko, I really enjoy seeing other developers raise awareness for health challenges! If you haven’t been there already, you might find some value on my channel. I’ve made many mistakes in my career, especially boundary setting and self care on agile teams. Cheers! 🥂

  13. As much as I wish to meet you(which seems to be not happening). . I would love to see how you approach a problem while coding or what are some of the ways one can split a big project into smaller ones(let's say System Design ones). . Would love to see a video regarding this. . 😊

  14. Hi Mayuko, thank you very much for this series, it was really interesting and useful, you did a great work, I will miss your videos and I hope you will publish more in the future!

  15. I finding your english is difficult then average difficulty of english of all of another persons I listening on youtube and podcasts… But it's ok. Good videos by the way) My english is not good as you can see (grammar and lexicon).

  16. Hello Mayuko! How do you make such great videos? Everything is fine, light, sound. Please, tell us!

  17. Correct summary, nice presentation. To the "step back and process" idea, here is a perhaps surprising quote:

    "If you haven’t spent the last two decades flying military fast jets, you’d be forgiven for thinking that fighter pilots must have amazing reactions to do what they do. But, it’s not true. My reactions are probably just as good as yours, I’m now over 40 and they might even be worse. But, that’s OK as I do something that you probably don’t. I know to ‘respond’ and not to ‘react’."

    https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-fighter-pilots-know-quick-reactions-losers-tim-davies

  18. This just came at the right time. I was having the first or second time of negative emotions after a year of working. It’s important to detach yourself from too much emotions and focus back on work

  19. Hey Mayuko, you don't need to tell us, keep your progress and insights to yourself so you don't have to care about the presentation of your new-found knowledge!

  20. Thanks Mayuko! I've been an engineer for 5 years now, and I still learn more and more. Thank you for the great videos. Soft skills are the key for a successful career.

  21. That looks like a very interesting series. I'll be sure to watch the complete set of videos. Summing it up with a video on feelings is interesting.

    A tiny bit of leftist indoctrination was apparent in your fight or flight or freeze statement, indicating the hypothesis of evolution as an actual theory even though there is absolutely no fossilized evidence of transitional species between two distinct species, of which there should be a plenitude of fossilized evidence if the hypothesis were actually valid.

    Unfortunately, you were indoctrinated with leftist ideologies rather than taught science when it came to that specific part of your education. It's important to make distinctions between empirical scientific facts and the origin of said facts. Your blending them together as if the hypothesis of evolution is an irrefutable fact rather than a mere hypothesis is a result of indoctrination that is quite commonly seen and among those of your generation, unfortunately.

    Darwin's ideas of Mankind's origin were more of a religion than true science because they were not based on empirical observations. As such, Darwin's hypothesis was more valuable in terms of classification schemes based on dichotomous keys rather than explanation of how life came into existence, which it never actually addressed.

    But I digress. Your series looks quite interesting and I intend to watch all of the videos within it because my minor was in Computer Information Systems, and your experiences and advice are very interesting to hear.

    I really enjoy your videos, Mayuko! Thanks for putting them together so well, in your presentation of this information to us. Nicely done, young lady!

  22. @mayuko Your eye movements are noticeable. You should consider buying something like this "Padcaster Parrot Teleprompter Kit"

  23. Mayuko, I know maybe you won't read this comment but thanks for all your efforts to make this serie for us, I'm extremely grateful with you, it's a lot of help for me and for thousand of people.
    Thank you so much Mayuko!

  24. I tend to keep my mouth shut bc it’s smart and it gets me in trouble. No one at work wants to know what I really think of them.

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