New York City strippers have gone on strike as they struggle to compete against “Startenders, a new breed of bartenders with little mixology experience but large social media followings. So, for you strippers out there, here are some tips for taking your clothes off in a quickly evolving technological landscape. It’s 2018, ladies. Strip like it. (music) Whether it’s Venmo, Chase QuickPay, or a Square swiper in your buttcrack, you’ll need a way to take digital transfers. I mean, even my weed dealer takes venmo. This way, you won’t have to wait for a guy’s boner to go down before he can withdraw more cash from the ATM. And, if you take Bitcoin, it’s as if your clients are using virtual cash. Untraceable. Their wives will never know. Until they see the glitter you left on their husbands. (music) Let’s face it, if you’re not online, are you even stripping? Tattoo your handle on your butt cheek, so that any clandestine photo that’s taken of you has an automatic watermark. (music) In today’s competitive landscape, data is the name of the game. Are your clients tall or short? Bald or with a manbun? Newly single or widowed since the ’70s? Have your clients fill out a feedback questionnaire and work that data like dat ass. Give bald guys a shoutout on your Instagram! Or offer to wear a mask of your client’s dead wife! See where in the market you’re already needed and fulfill that need. (music) If you’re competing with the fancy new bottle girls in town, you need to leverage your existing customer loyalty with a rewards program. Hand out a punch card or an old thong with a hole in it. Punch a new hole every time your faithful customers get a lap dance, and make the tenth one free! Stop thinking of it as a “strip club” and start thinking of it as a “co-stripping space.” Learn from top coworking spaces like wework, District CoWork, and The Farm, and get some fast wifi for you and your customers. Line the walls with murals that promote the type of culture you’d like to foster, and heck, get an office dog or two. Also, three words: iced coffee kegerator. The more awake your client, the more dances they get. Move over, Startenders. There’s a new Starista in town. (music) Invest in yourself by investing in your palate! Enroll in a sommelier course. Show that your taste in wine is as good as your taste in booty clap music, and that, like the vintages you’re selling, you too are aging gracefully. (music) More politics at the strip club. Every few songs, have the DJ play the national anthem. Fly the American flag! You have so many poles to choose from. Some strippers kneel in protest while others stand and salute. Clients will buy dances from whomever they agree with, but more importantly, passions will rise on both sides. It’s the perfect storm to make it rain. Look, ladies, the competition isn’t going away. And you want to be the Netflix of stripping, not the Blockbuster. You may have D cups, but you still need to bring your A game.