Bill Burr Blames Candy Stores For Making Everyone Sensitive

Bill Burr Blames Candy Stores For Making Everyone Sensitive


FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS
A COMEDIAN ( BAND PLAYING )
WHO “ROLLING STONE” CALLED THE UNDISPUTED HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
OF RAGE-FUELED HUMOR. PLEASE WELCOME BILL BURR. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )>>RAGE-FUELED HUMOR. I DON’T EVEN THINK I’M MAD.>>Stephen: YOU DON’T THINK
THAT’S FAIR? YOU DON’T THINK THE DESCRIPTION
IS?>>NO, I’M JUST OLD. THIS IS HOW PEOPLE USED TO TALK. AND THEN I JUST LIVED LONG
ENOUGH, AND PEOPLE BROUGHT IT DOWN, YOU KNOW,.>>Stephen: PEOPLE ARE TOO
POLITE NOW?>>NOT POLITE. THEY’RE NICER. THEY’RE PLEASANT. THERE’S A PLEASANTNESS OUT
THERE.>>Stephen: YOU’RE NOT
DESCRIBING THAT WITH A PLEASANT TONE OF VOICE. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU MANAGED TO MAKE “PLEASANT” SOUND LIKE A NEGATIVE.>>I KNOW. THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I GREW UP IN MASSACHUSETTS. THIS IS THE ACCENT. WE SOUND– WE SOUND LIKE WE’RE
UPSET. I’M IN A GREAT MOOD. I GET A FREE MUG. I LOVE THE FREE MUG.>>Stephen: WE GIVE YOU THIS
MUG.>>YEAH!>>Stephen: I THOUGHT WE
WASHED IT OUT AND USED IT AGAIN. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU TURN A
PROFIT ON THIS ONE. NOTHING MAKING YOU MAD?>>OH, THINGS UPSET ME, YES. I– I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T WANT TO– LOOK, I FLY A
LOT, AND THERE’S THIS WHOLE NEW THING, GENERATION OF PEOPLE THAT
TAKE THEIR SOCKS AND THEIR SHOES OFF ON THE PLANE. YOU’VE GOT TO LOOK AT THEIR
SMELLY FEET, AND THEN THEY’LL LITERALLY STAND UP AND THEY WILL
WALK INTO A COMMERCIAL AIRLINE BATHROOM– YEAH– USE IT, AND
THEN WALK AND SIT BACK DOWN AGAIN.>>Stephen: THAT’S NOT RIGHT.>>YEAH! IF I WAS A DICTATOR, THOSE
PEOPLE LOBBY ELIMINATED. ( LAUGHTER )
I WOULD.>>Stephen: YEAH, YEAH? UH-HUH.>>THEY’RE ANIMALS. THEY’RE ANIMALS! I SAW A GUY, HE LITERALLY– I
WAS IN L.A.X. TO COME OUT HERE, AND THE GUY HAD HIS SOCKS AND
SHOES OFF, AND HIS FEET UP ON HIS LUGGAGE, AND EVERYBODY HAD
TO LOOK AT HIS OLD 50-SOMETHING-YEAR-OLD FEET. AND I JUST KEPT PICTURING
BEATING THE BOTTOM OF HIS FEET UNTIL HE TOOK THEM OFF, LIKE
SHAME HIM INTO IT YOU.>>Stephen: MOVED HERE IN ’95
TO NEW YORK CITY?>>YES, I DID.>>Stephen: YOU HAVE LIVED
HERE THE ENTIRE TIME SINCE THEN?>>NO, I LIVED IN L.A. BRIEFLY
IN THE LATE 90s, AND THEN CAME BACK HERE IN ’99, LIVED HERE
UNTIL 2007, LOVED IT, AND SINCE THEN I’VE LIVED OUT IN L.A.>>Stephen: I MOVED HERE IN
’95, TOO. IT WAS A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT
THEN.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: IT WASN’T QUITE AS
CLEANED UP AND AS NICE.>>NO, IT WASN’T. IT WAS A SCARY PLACE TO BE. AND CROWDS WERE NOT
IMPRESSPURPOSE THERE WERE DRUG ADDICTS, PEOPLE NODDING OFF,
LIKE ALPHABET CITY AND EVERYTHING. IT WAS A VERY DIFFICULT PLACE TO
DO STAND-UP. AND NOW 20 YEARS LATER I CAME
BACK AND I WAS DOING STAND-UP LOCALLY, AND PEOPLE WERE LIKE
GROANING IN THE CROWD AT JOKE S.>>Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?>>I’LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. THERE’S AN M&M STORE IN TIMES
SQUARE NOW, AND JUST KIND OF AFFECTED EVERYBODY, THEIR
MINDSET. AND EVERYTHING NOW IS, “OH, MY
GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD.” YOU HAVE TO WALK THEM THROUGH
THE JEEK. I SAID, ” I SAW A LESBIAN
WALKING THROUGH A RESTAURANT.” AND EVERYBODY WAS LIKE, “OH, MY
GOD!” IT WAS UNDENIABLE.>>Stephen: THAT SHE WAS A
LESBIAN, YOU MEAN?>>YEAH, SHE WAS DRESSED LIKE
JOHN GOODMAN ON “ROSEANNE.” IT WAS FUNNY TO ME. SHE WAS DRESSED LEAK A
CONSTRUCTION WORKER. IT’S FUNNY YOU WOULD JUST PICK A
JOB EYE LIKE WOMEN BUT I DON’T DRESS LIKE A PIRATE AND HAVE A
LANTERN AND WALK AROUND WITH IT. IT WAS JUST FUNNY.>>Stephen: MAYBE SHE WAS A
CONSTRUCTION WORKER.>>SHE WASN’T! HER HANDS WERE, LIKE, AS CLEAN
AS MINE.>>Stephen: SHE’S THE FOREMAN.>>I ALMOST GOT OFFENDED AS,
LIKE, A MAN, LOOKING AT HER LIKE, “LOOK, WE DON’T DO ALL OF
THAT! WE’LL WEAR SOME OF THAT. SHE HAD A COSTUME. SHE HAD THE HARD HAT AND THAT
SURVEYOR THING. YOU FEEL IT NOW. THEY’RE GETTING ALL– THEY’RE
BACK OFF. “IS HE SAYING– IS HE SAYING
THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG?” NO, I’M SAYING SHE WAS DRESSED
RIDICULOUS. THE WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO BE A
LESBIAN, IT WAS FUNNY THE WAY SHE WAS DRESSED. I’M GOING TO BE WASHED UP IN SIX
MONTHS. THEY’VE GOT A HERSHEY’S STORE
DOWN THERE. THE GIANT KISS THING WITH THE
STRING.>>Stephen: YOU DON’T LIKE
CANDY.>>YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE A
WHOLE STORE. IS THERE GOING TO BE A SNICKERS
STORE? HOW FAT DO THEY WANT TO MAKE
PEOPLE.>>Stephen: YOU’VE GOT AN
ANIMATED SHOW. WHERE IS “F IS FOR FAMILY”?>>IT’S ON NETFLIX.>>Stephen: I VERY VERY GOOD
THINGS.>>SEASON TWO. 10 EPISODES, JUST CAME OUT THE
OTHER DAY.( APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: WHY– THIS IS– IS
IT SET IN THE 1970s? BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS.>>YES, IT IS.>>Stephen: WHY DID YOU WANT
TO DO AN ANIMATION AND WHY THE 70s?>>JUST THROUGH TELLING FAMILY
STORIES DOING STAND-UP, AS A YOUNG COMIC, EVERYONE WOULD
LAUGH TELLING MY FAMILY STORIES. AND NOW I’M OLD AND THE
HELICOPTER PARENT KIDS CAME.>>Stephen: WE WERE LEFT
ALONE, WE WERE LEFT ALONE.>>YOU KNOW THE GUYS NOW, THEY
HAVE CUPCAKES AND KITTENS ON THEIR SHIRTS. AND IT ASTOWNDZ ME. I WAS LIKE IF I WORE ANYTHING
REMOTE LIKELY THAT I WOULD GET THE LIVING HELL BEATEN OUT OF
ME. HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT, ON THE
SUBWAY, WEARING THAT? IT BLOWS MY MIND. IT WASN’T THAT THEY WEREN’T
LAUGHING. THEY WERE FEELING BAD FOR ME. AND I HAD TO LOOK AT THE CROWD
AND GO, “I DESERVED THE BEATING. I DESERVED IT!”
SEE.>>Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP I
WANT TO SHOW THE PEOPLE. THIS IS– YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN
SHOW. YOU’RE THE DAD IN THIS?>>YES, I PLAY FRANK MURPHY, WHO
IS AN AMALGUM OF EVERYBODY’S DAD IN THE WRITERS’ ROOM. AND THIS IS KIND OF BASICALLY
WHAT DADS USED TO BE LIKE. WHEN I WAS GROWING YOU, YOU WERE
AFRAID OF YOUR DAD. HE CAME HOME, HE CAME IN THE
FRONT DOOR AND YOU WENT OUT THE BACK. YOU REMEMBERED STAYING IN THE
WOODS UNTIL HE LEFT.>>Stephen: WE SHOULD PROBABLY
SHOW THE CLIP.>>HEY, MR., ARE YOU A PERVERT?>>NO.>>THEN WHY ARE YOU STAND ACT
THAT LADY THROUGH THAT WINDOW LIKE ONE?>>THAT’S MY WIFE IN THERE.>>HOW COME YOU’RE NOT AT WORK?>>HOW COME YOU’RE NOT LEAVE
MEEG THE (BLEEP) ALONE.>>I’M GOING TO TELL MY DAD YOU
SWORE AT ME, HE’S A COP.>>THEN HE CAN SOLVE YOUR
MURDER.>>YOU HAVE TO STOP SWEARING AT
OTHER PEOPLE’S CHILDREN.>>HEY, GO PLAY WITH YOUR
FATHER’S GUN!>>FRANK!>>I DIDN’T SWEAR!>>THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. THANK YOU, I HAD A GOOD TIME.>>Stephen: “F IS FOR FAMILY”
SEASON 2 IS SONETFLIX RIGHT NOW. BILL BURR, EVERYBODY. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY FLEET FOXES.

100 thoughts to “Bill Burr Blames Candy Stores For Making Everyone Sensitive”

  1. They have to have some sort of personal beef. There’s no way that this is because Colbert is an ‘unfunny snowflake’. This is uncomfortable in a totally personal way

  2. The part where he was a prick about starting the clip made me hate him. Maybe he shoulda played with his father's gun. Asshole

  3. Colbert and the other Liberals take shit to serious. Burr is a comedian, don't get your panties all twisted up because he talked about a dude dressed up like a girl.

  4. That Colbert, no soul, no sense of humour, emotionless slave to the status quo. The audience for this show must be a lively bunch…

  5. I want to wake up one morning and find out that Colbert died on the crapper because he was constipated and grunted until something ruptured internally. What an unlikable tool.

  6. colbert seemed like a frightened child saying "oh god this guy says 10 things a minute that outrage my sheep" he literally looked like he was waiting for burr to say something that colbert was going to have to apologize for…jesus

  7. Nice segue moron. Burr says that he wants to beat the bottoms of people's bare feet and Colbert responds "You moved here in '95?" No wonder I never watch late night interview shows (except Conan) any more. No talent idiot hosts.

  8. Bill's face at 5:01 is saying, "GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!" Ol Billy Boy and a Colbert audience definitely don't mesh.

  9. Everyone else has covered the other things Colbert did wrong, so can we also talk about where he's facing? Colbert isn't AT ALL facing the audience. It definitely makes Bill feel like everyone in the room is against him. Terrible way to interview. They teach you to face the audience in middle school drama club! If the audience can see your back AT ALL, you're not standing/sitting right.

  10. Most awkward Bill interview almost ever. Colbert and his audience are def not Burrs people. It’s like two different planets. They act like they don’t know the reality of what he’s saying. The people who make it and forget where they come from. To hell with those people

  11. Why does anyone even watch Colbert. Conan is better. Fallon is better. Kimmel is actually funny if he's not being a libtard. Colbert should just go away.

  12. Colbert can't laugh and lose that neo-liberal indignant don't make fun of anyone that isn't white straight male pandering crowd.

  13. I'm not sure if Burr doesn't know the difference between Liberal and Leftist, or if he just placates the assholes because it's good for his wallet?

  14. I had not seen this. I came here after the comments on the Jim J. Interview mentioned how this was a bad one too and I didn't wanna judge without seeing it myself…so now I am heading over to watch some Graham Norton to cleanse my palate.

  15. We need more Bill Burrs…. not these none funny hosts that we see on late night … and by the way who killed the humor in the younger generations.. I think its the schools and video games.

  16. Colbert is such a stooge, sandbagging every joke and cutting Bill short. I hope he never does this shitty show ever again.

  17. Bill bill bill bill,,,, wrong show for your humour,,those fck tards cant wait to be fake offended,,,,stick to normal people,,people who have jobs, a house,,kids,,and dont have a 10.30 lecture on wimmens studies in the morning..stick to conan,,corbert or whatever the fckn twats name is sold his soul a long time ago,,,hes everything you arnt…👍

  18. C'mon Stephen lighten up , quit being so PC. Bill's funny as shit, it's called real life. Seriously you haven't watched F is For Family? Go play with your father's gun – ha-ha-ha fuckinh ha!

  19. I’m disliking this video, not because of Bill but because of the whole audience and Colbert. They’re obviously offended and didn’t find his jokes funny and it was just really awkward. I feel bad for him, he didn’t deserve that candy store people audience.

  20. Stephen Colbert ties Jimmy Fallon as the worst host ever. He was so uncomfortable with the truth. Such a little Nerd, Pansy Ass, Liberal Bitch. Stephen Colbert please Realize your not Talented or Funny

  21. I have never washed my feet, and they always smell nice. Everyone says so. I am a landscaper and work hard and sweat. I shower and let the falling water hit my feet, but I don't soap them up and all that. I don't even rub them with a cloth or sponge. Secret: when we wash everything with soap to the worst degree we kill organisms on our skin that keep our face nice and feet fresh. A beautician tipped me off about no soap on my face 30 years ago. My face has not known soap since. Just water. All my facial problems left, and I have the best skin tones. I stop with pits and crotch. They get soap…but only sometimes. Nice flowing water or bath.

  22. Colbert's entire comedic repertoire has been reduced to "orange man bad". So it's not surprising that he couldn't produce a funny interview with the legendary Bill Burr. It's a shame that we can no longer enjoy late night television in a bipartisan way, free of political bias. I can't wait until the woke mob come for him.

  23. It is a shame to see, this along with many other, Colbert clips and interviews. Dude sold his soul. Used to love his show on CC, but this is just painful to watch. Disappointed in you Colbert.

  24. "You got a free mug? Congratulations, you turned a profit." Cringe… Colbert visibly doesn't like Burr. It was awkward.

  25. 06:50 Colbert paused hard and made it awkward for the viewers. So many things wrong in this video, but this was the icing on the cake.

  26. Colbert was great on that show he had before this one.  Now, he just needs to admit he's a bottom and likes the taste of dick.

  27. Christ, can I assume Bill hasnt been back on this dumpster fire of a show? Colbert is literally the worst late night host there is and is really giving Letterman a run for his money for all time worst.

  28. Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle, Corey Holcomb, Patrick O'Neil (rip). Best "Politically incorrect" comedians. They keep it real ALWAYS. FUCK being pc.

  29. ugh, Colbert is really becoming irredeemably liberal. god bless Bill Burr. fuck late night liberal corporate mouthpieces like Colbert.

  30. A subtle example of how a comedian can be castrated by a corporate media giant, branded by political correctness. But at least 'old red balls' got to promo his product.

  31. you ever notice that the kind of people who are concerned about global warming and saving the earth from humanity are often the same people who believe that being fat is something to be proud of instead of something to be criticized in spite of the fact that you become fat by overindulging on the very things and activities that are largely responsible for global warming? Im not suggesting that global warming is not a concern because it is. Nor am I suggesting that you be critical of or feel superior to those who are overweight because to do so would make you a piece of shit human being and its none of your business anyway how others live their lives or what they eat. Whether they eat too much or dont eat enough. Im simply pointing out the self righteous horseshit from the kind of people whos true intentions are revealed by the contradictions inherent in their dogma. And those true intentions are all about controlling the lives and thoughts of other people instead of offering solutions

  32. Barefoot in a commercial airliner bathroom. Creeps me the Fk out. I haven't seen older people doing it, mostly because our feet swell up at altitude…

  33. colbrt was new to the whole show thing. I know he had to think that was funny, I think he thought others wouldn't. He's not like that today for sure.

  34. Watching this idiot host not even try to make the most of burr on his show makes me realise how good Conan actually is at his job

  35. Why is Colbert so uptight??! Colbert and his audience should stop being the snowflakes that they are!!! He should take a hint from Conan!!! Conan and Bill are always a charm to watch!!!

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